From heart to heart
I like to meet new people. The difference between people inspires me deeply. I come from a family who judge people by the things they do and the way they look. I’m an outsider in my family and proud of it. I refuse to live the same way as they do. A shallow life of appearance, power, material things and more money would make me unhappy. I live in my heart and I stay in my heart. I look through people and I look into their hearts. Some people ask: why you hang out with those weird people? I shake my head and say: they aren’t afraid for being themselves. The best version of yourself is always yourself! Now that’s pure inner beauty!
Love takes time
Love takes time and has to grow. You can’t push it. You can’t force it. The seed of a flower needs peace, warmth and serenity. It can’t grow without sunshine. It can’t grow without the rain. Slowly the seed grows and grows. If you take care of it with trust.. it will grow even more. Sometimes you stay closely to watch the flower bloom slowly. Other moments you let it rest and take the distance. Give the flower time and one day it will grow into the most beautiful and breathtaking flower.
Oh how I admire the summerdays. I spend my days outside in the nature. The sun warms my heart. With bare feet I sit in the grass and stare into the cloudy sky. The summer brease through my hair makes me feel alive. The smell of flowers makes me happy. I close my eyes and dream away for a moment. I think about my life, I think about love, I think about everything. And suddenly.. I let all my thoughts go and let it be for what it is. Just let it be. There’s no time..time doesn’t really exist. I am calming my mind and live fully in the present. Just like nature always does.
I want to be free like the birds in the sky. I want to live like every day is my last day. Taking every chance in life on my path. I thought I knew what happiness is all about. It was a lie. I searched and searched and ended up all alone. I sank in the deep dark sea. The only thing I could do is to fight my own battle. Struggling till I could see the lightning sky again. Step by step I was feeling better. I’ve been hurt, I’ve been used, I’ve been lost in a world full of anger. Nowadays I live my life in peace, love and callmness. The most important thing I’ve learned in life is to love myself. The journey and beauty in life starts in your own heart. No money, power, or anything else but ourselves can bring you happiness. So stop running and take a deep breath. Embrace yourself with thousand arms. Love yourself just the way you are. With this love you can help other people and truly change the world.
Slow it down
Love is running deep. Love is getting me high. It gives me energy to run, jump, and dance the night away. I would even walk all those miles just to be with you for a little moment. You inspire me to be myself. Inspire me to make the best of my life. I can tell.. this is a new beginning. I can feel.. this will open a new door and new possibilities in life. But sometimes I give too much. Sometimes I run way too fast and ignore the fact that I’m being a restless soul forever. A dreamer, an unrealistic optimist and a crazy fool for love. So dear me, slow it down and walk slowly again. Just walk, count your steps and breathe. Read a book and sleep. Spend some days on your own before you make new decisions. Life travellers like me must listen to the stop signs now and then before they walk into an exciting adventure.
Light and darkness
First everything is amazing. You float into the sky and try to catch stardust everywhere. It’s like you have big angel wings to fly. Your heart is swelling day by day. Surrounded by this beautiful new love. Then this love comes closer and closer. Days, months and even years are passing you by. One day something breaks deep within. The soul is wondering. Is this everything? There’s got to be more in love. Then you fall so hard away from your dreamy cloud and crash into the ground. Broken, twisted and empty. The light make place for the darkness. Everything is black. I was prepare to crash again though. And yes I cried plenty of tears. I grew stronger in so many ways. I can see the light again. Light with dark shadows until my wounds are healed. One day I will be ready for love again.
I gave too much, I helped too much, I loved too much and received too little. Oh my, how it hurts. Don’t even bother to make it up with me. Forget about it. You’re too busy with yourself and your big ego. I wonder what’s behind your fake smile and those empty last words. I guess I’ll never know. I’m patient and kind but even I got boundaries. I forgive easily but I never forget. I’m at the point that I’m dissapointed in people. False promises, lies and other little sick games they play. It’s time to pick up the little pieces and try to put them back together. It’s time to take care of myself and less to others. It’s time to move on and go my own way.
I tried to reach you in my dreams. Everytime I see a glimpse of you and suddenly you disappear in emptiness. I call your name but there’s no answer. I’m running out of time and wake up too fast. Memories are hounting me like flashbacks in a twisted mindgame movie. You seem so far away and yet so close to me. A part of me doesn’t want to let you go. Everytime when I try to let go you come back for more. Why can’t you just tell me what do you want from me? Why did I never ask? Am I afraid for answers I already knew long before? The silence between us has a secret. Only time can tell. My heart was wide open and you ripped a piece of it. Now I want it back. My heartdoor is still halfway open for in case you change your mind. But you won’t let me in your heart, do you? I guess no one ever does.
Mad world, mad system
”Hello teacher tell me, what’s my lesson? Look right through me, look right through me.” This phrase comes from a song that tells my school life in years. I never fit in the system. I’m highly sensitive, creative, passionated and often misunderstood by teachers. I was always the complete outsider and no one at school never really knew me. I survived like I always do tough. I did it my own way and I’m proud of that. So I’m almost graduated as a social worker. Oh what does it even mean: the title social worker? For me nothing. It’s just a meaningless word to me. I didn’t learn anything from the books, facts and other stupid methods they try to learn me. I learned from myself, the people around me and the experience I’ve gain. I’m not suprised that I just ‘failed’ my endconversation of this study. They say I don’t know enough about methods. Fuck that! This means that I graduate if I talk more about methods and theory. Next time I sure will but I know this isn’t the real me. I want to guide people with all my heart, not with my ego like they do. Now write that in your stupid method books you systemfuckers!! This system is going down anyway!
We live in a society based on power and material things. All around me I see people stressing out, working hard and being too busy for eachother. There’s ‘no time’ for a good conversation, a walk in the nature or a deep meditation to find some peace. And it’s not okay, no it’s not alright to walk yourself by caught up in the system. We are human beings and not robots. I miss the deeper connection with people in life. Often we talk in a chat, staring to our computer screens, mobile phones and tv’s. Other times I meet people in the crowd when me and my friends are going out and having fun. Oh I sure have a great time but my soul is searching for something more. When I stare out my window I see an ugly world full of buildings and cars. I want to go back from where I came from. A lovely place with nature, animals, humans living together with love, peace and happiness. What happened to this world? I wish everyone cared more for healing this world again!
Love me for who I am
Mostly I walk the path of life on my own. Even in love I felt many times alone. If you have an old spiritual soul like mine you have to trust and guide yourself. Now and then you have to let people go to grow further. You have to take the courage to solve the puzzle of your lifelessons. Some pieces will fit and others won’t. Sometimes you take steps forward and other times you have to step back. Still..I would love to have a soulmate, a deep love, a great friend and a lover. Someone who understands me. Someone who’ll hold my hand and always be there for me. Someone who truly loves me for who I am with all my beauty and darkness inside.
I’m fine, I’m okay..that’s what I thought. Till someone reminds me of my damn childhood. Tears came from the deepest of my soul. The feeling of being misunderstood, unheard and unimportant. I see myself as a little child back then. A sensitive child with fantasy and creative talents. I was a rebel in my teenager years. I never fit in the system and I refused to fit in. Call me weird..call me stubborn but I’m proud of who I am. I’m proud of the person that I’m today. I walked a long dark road and I’m happy to see the light again. No matter what happens..I’m strong and I’ll survive. Now it’s my time to shine. I’m no longer a flower in the muddle. I’m a flower growing towards the sun. I survived cause of my big heart full of love, hope and forgiveness. I’m free like an eagle in the sky now. Free to fly and live my life day by day. I’m ready to spread my wings and fly away!
Hello Mother Nature
Oh the rush in the big city..cars, neon lights, big buildings, tons of people and noises everywhere. I get tired and lost in this busy and unpersonal society. I tried to search for a quiet place but I could’nt find it here. The bad weather doesn’t make it any better. I desire for rest, peace and warmth. If I could I would pack my bags immediately and chose for a wild adventure. Another city, another country, other people..far away from here. I have to wait 3 more weeks. Can’t wait to feel free again. Just walking with my backpack in the sun. No plans, no worries, no stress..just me with mother nature. Sunkisses in the day and shooting stars in the nights. A summer breeze, an empty mind and many roads to explore. Hell yeah!
My mother and I have a story. We both been through a lot of things in our lives. There was a time that we used to struggle and fight with eachother. Now I grew older and learned in many ways. And so did my mother. I’m chaos, she is law. I’m peaceful, she is restless. I’m creative, she is tidied. I’m easy-minded, she is worried. We learn from eachother. Often we are mirrors from eachother. She is my reflection and I’m hers. There are differences but also a lot of similar things we share. We’re both sensitive and spiritual,have a big heart and a good intuïtion. Now I’m looking back at my life and realise that everything she did came from her heart with love. She made mistakes and I made mistakes too. I guess we forgave and moved on. I think we finally understand and appreciate eachother. Now our band is growing and healing and I’m thankful for that. The band between mothers and daughters can be strong but yet so complicated. Sometimes it takes mountains to climb before it gets easier. But I’m glad we never ever gave up and chose to climb!